My other son, the younger brother, immediately went to his room and left us alone. He later told me he knew all along that his brother was gay. He and his sister often talked about it; however, I was in denial. My first reaction was, "It's a sin." Steven replied, "It isn't my choice, Mom." The discussion continued until I finally convinced him to seek help.
Our journey began with seeking out various counselors and talking to several clergy. One counselor blamed me for being so overprotective, another blamed his father for leaving at such a tender age, and still others blamed the genes - he was born that way. The clergy were just as varied in what the scriptures say. I knew it was a sin; however, for every scripture I found pointing that out, Steven found others to support his viewpoint. It came down to how we each individually interpret God's Word, which left us at a stalemate.
Steven lives in Colorado and I live in New York. The distance between us was both a blessing and a hindrance. Our conversations over the phone consisted mostly of small talk. How's the weather? Looking forward to the weekend? How was the church service? We avoided the topic of his being gay.
Then one day, after several years, he called home and said he had found a church and realized now that homosexuality is a sin. He attended there for a couple of years until he was diagnosed with aids. The congregation did not understand and he left the church hurt and feeling alone. He decided to write of his experiences in hopes that it might help others like himself and sent it to me to look over and review.
As my eyes skimmed over the words, I couldn't help but notice how much it spoke of the thoughts and anguishes in his heart. I read between the lines and felt his pain, confusion and shame. I also was ashamed. What had I done?
I couldn't wait to call him and apologize and tell him how much I love him. I was no longer sure if homosexuality is a sin but I was definitely sure it shouldn't be an issue. He needed to find that out for himself. At the same time, I realized that gay doesn't define all who he is... there so much more that makes up the person who is my son. I am a proud Mother!
He called me back early the next morning and I heard the tears as he thanked me. I cried too! It was a new beginning for both of us and we talked for several hours about the past and the future.
Since then, we've shared a lot and have come to the conclusion that the issues surrounding sexual orientation are hard to define and difficult to understand. However, there is one common theme woven in the spiritual fabric of all faiths, cultures, and religions. That is the Golden Rule. It's a common ground shared throughout the world. Simply put: Treat each other as we would want to be treated.
"For He created his inmost being; He knit him together in my womb. I praise God because my son is fearfully and beautifully made; His works are wonderful, I know that full well". Based on Psalm 139:13,14